| |
|
|
|
|
Ann Gaffigan's Steeplechics.com Blog:
Questions/Comments? Click Here
Return to Ann's Bio
I Was Not Right. That Was Not Me.
(posted on 01/23/08 at 2:00 pm EST) | First off, I’d like to apologize for the amount of time I’ve allowed to lapse since my last blog entry. Every time I’d start typing a new one, I’d realize that I had nothing good to say. I would read it and think “Who is this chic with the terrible attitude?” I feel like I am now able to look back on the past 6-8 months and make more sense of it. Stay tuned for a new blog every 2 weeks from now on! There, I’ve said it; now I have to follow through.
********************************************************************************
My last entry was written a week after my last race of the 2007 season, which prematurely ended on June 3 due to my lack of….Health? Fitness? Luck? All of the above? It remains a mystery. What I do know is that I was frustrated, tired, bitter and by that point, apathetic. I thought of all the times running had made me hurt. Not physically, but emotionally. I thought of all the 100-mile weeks, the vitamins, the massages, the sacrifice of certain social outings and trips. I thought of how I never had the energy to do anything but get my run in for the day and then try to get a few hours of programming in, struggling to stay focused the whole time. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been excited to get out and do something fun and normal, like going shopping or to a movie.
I knew something was really off when I went back to my hometown of Springfield, IL, for my sister’s graduation from med school the third weekend in May. I thought the main events were going to be on Saturday, and I would simply have to go to the graduation ceremony itself and then to the party at my brother’s (Matt) house afterward. But then my sister (Catherine) told me there was a thing on Friday night we had to go to and that there was a brunch Saturday morning before the graduation ceremony. The thought of drumming up the energy for all of these events in addition to getting my long run done on Saturday morning made my head hurt. I couldn’t imagine getting through it all. I told Catherine I would have to miss the brunch and meet everyone at the ceremony at noon. I could do that: be somewhere by noon. I could get my run in at about 9 and have plenty of time to get ready.
I woke up to my alarm at 9am feeling like it was 4:30 am. Get up? There’s no possible way I can get up, much less run, I thought., I feel terrible. I have to sleep some more if I’m going to get through this day. The long run is going to have to wait until tomorrow. I will not spend my sister’s graduation party wishing it was over so I could lie down!
So I went back to sleep. I hit snooze on my alarm 5 times after it first went off again at 10am. I finally got up and realized my neck was killing me. I had slept on it wrong or something. I took too long getting ready because I could barely lift my arms over my head, which made it difficult to get dressed or fix my hair. I left the house at 11:50 for a ceremony starting at noon that was all the way across town. Matt was calling me over and over on my cell, wondering where I was. I was too embarrassed to answer and say I was just now leaving the house. I was parking at 12:15 and getting really upset because not only was my sister graduating, but she was the class president, and therefore she was giving a speech.
Was I missing it? It was probably the opening speech, and I missed it! What is wrong with me? How can I not get it together for this one day?
I parked and then proceeded to try four different doors, all on opposite sides of the huge building, before finding the right one. This took another 15 minutes, during which some teenage idiots decided to take the opportunity to yell “Hey baby” and make some noises at me as I ran around in my stupid high heels in the 85-degree heat trying to find the entrance. They got the finger and some cuss words (sorry Mom). I felt a tiny bit better for a second.
Once finally inside, I called Matt to figure out where everyone was sitting. It was after 12:30. Matt and my sister’s friend Angie were up front taking pictures and everyone else was seated in the middle of the row, and I didn’t want to disrupt everyone in the place by maneuvering my way across 20 pairs of legs to get there. Plus I was about to really lose it. I took a seat at the end of the row and looked up at my sister sitting front row on the stage.
Had she already spoken? She would never have been late to something like this for me. She also wouldn’t have skipped the brunch this morning if it were my graduation. I’m so sorry, Catherine! What is my problem?
I could barely hold back the tears of frustration at myself and at my body and at everything that was not going right with my world and that I couldn’t control or explain. Matt and Angie came back to sit down and I followed them across the pairs of legs to get to the rest of my family. I was so glad it was dark in there, but Angie could still tell something was wrong.
“Hey kid”, she said, calling me the same thing my sister, who is 9 years my senior, has called me for as long as I can remember.
“Hey.” I said back, my voice cracking. And then I made myself ask, “Did she speak already?”
“No. You didn’t miss anything, kid,” she said, “Not one thing.”
I let out a sigh of relief and let some of the tears finally fall out of my eyes where they’d been welling up. Angie handed me some tissues. I thought to myself: I am not right. This is not me.
NOTE: Not all of my blog posts will be depressing, I promise! Stay tuned for the next post in a couple weeks. --AG | | Send a Comment |
| Ann's Other Blog Entries:
|
Return to Ann's Bio |
Home | About Us | Contact | Mailing List | Gazelle, Inc
|
| |
Steeple Chics Store:
Get cool stuff, promote the steeplechase |
The Runner's Cookbook
Proceeds go to the Ryan Shay Memorial Fund & Jenny Crain "Make it Happen" Fund |
Donate to the
Jenny Crain
Make It Happen Fund
http://www.jennycrain.net |
Website Design & Creation:
 |
|
